How to Make Ridiculously Complicated Gourmet Tuna Salad

This is the BEST gourmet tuna salad you'll ever eat IF you can. It's worth taking a few days off work to give it a shot. Eating it is like watching fairies herd unicorns through fields in Elysium.

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How to Make Ridiculously Complicated Gourmet Tuna Salad Recipe
13 Steps
Ingredients
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1
Grow a garden full of unusual heirloom  greens or befriend someone who has one.

Grow a garden full of unusual heirloom greens or befriend someone who has one.

2
Make your own homemade organic Aioli (Provençal Garlic Mayonnaise). Here's how we do it: http://tinyurl.com/ch7dkqx. Once you try this, you'll never be satisfied with store-bought mayo again. Ever.

Make your own homemade organic Aioli (Provençal Garlic Mayonnaise). Here's how we do it: tinyurl.com/ch7dkqx. Once you try this, you'll never be satisfied with store-bought mayo again. Ever.

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3
Go to your garden & pick young green onions, green garlic (ideally with scapes) and fresh parsley. Chop some of them and photograph them on your countertop.

Go to your garden & pick young green onions, green garlic (ideally with scapes) and fresh parsley. Chop some of them and photograph them on your countertop.

4
Go back out & pick multiple varieties of heirloom Swiss chard, broccoli leaves & Russian Red kale. Talk about how pretty they are while drinking wine until about 9pm when you realize how late it is.

Go back out & pick multiple varieties of heirloom Swiss chard, broccoli leaves & Russian Red kale. Talk about how pretty they are while drinking wine until about 9pm when you realize how late it is.

5
Chop up the chard stems into tiny pieces (smaller than in this photo where we're just starting).

Chop up the chard stems into tiny pieces (smaller than in this photo where we're just starting).

6
Chop up all other green, leafy ingredients into small pieces. Also, chop up your Kalamata olives.

Chop up all other green, leafy ingredients into small pieces. Also, chop up your Kalamata olives.

7
Pour a cup of your homemade "mayo" into a measuring bowl. Taste some of it with your finger because it changes your life a little bit every time you do.

Pour a cup of your homemade "mayo" into a measuring bowl. Taste some of it with your finger because it changes your life a little bit every time you do.

8
Whisk in Dijon mustard, balsamic vinegar, olive brine, worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper. Taste repeatedly.

Whisk in Dijon mustard, balsamic vinegar, olive brine, worcestershire sauce, salt and pepper. Taste repeatedly.

9
Put 4 drained cans of this into a large bowl along with all the veggies & amended mayo. Break up tuna juice cat fights. Toss all ingredients until well-mixed or until you're too hungry to care.

Put 4 drained cans of this into a large bowl along with all the veggies & amended mayo. Break up tuna juice cat fights. Toss all ingredients until well-mixed or until you're too hungry to care.

10
At 9:30pm, serve tuna salad with homemade green garlic pesto you made from our previous SnapGuide, then remember that you forgot to add carrots.

At 9:30pm, serve tuna salad with homemade green garlic pesto you made from our previous SnapGuide, then remember that you forgot to add carrots.

11
Go back out and pick the first variety of organic heirloom carrots that you can see by flashlight. Bring them inside, dice them and add to tuna salad. Remix everything.

Go back out and pick the first variety of organic heirloom carrots that you can see by flashlight. Bring them inside, dice them and add to tuna salad. Remix everything.

12
That's it! If you make this and it's not the best tuna salad you've ever eaten, let us know and we'll send you carrot seeds from our garden at www.TyrantFarms.com.

That's it! If you make this and it's not the best tuna salad you've ever eaten, let us know and we'll send you carrot seeds from our garden at www.TyrantFarms.com.

13
Oh, one more thing: put everything on a new plate and photograph it in a place with better lighting to impress other SnapGuiders. Serve with homemade kambucha infused with home-grown hibiscus flowers.

Oh, one more thing: put everything on a new plate and photograph it in a place with better lighting to impress other SnapGuiders. Serve with homemade kambucha infused with home-grown hibiscus flowers.

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