Put on some water.
Unless you're under doctor's orders, salt won't hurt you (that's a myth!) You need lots for this: don't fret about it.
Is that a lot of potatoes? Sure. Whatever. I won't apologize for that.
And here's the giant bowl you're gonna mash 'em in. How big is YOUR bowl? Is it this big? I don't think so. I showed you mine, now show me yours.
Now you gotta peel your potatoes. I'll be the first to admit, this part sucks.
Toss 'em in and let 'em boil together. There's no time frame, you just gotta use the fork test to know when they're done. If it feels like a boiled potato when you poke it with a fork, then it's done.
You need at least one whole stick of butter.
Here's a neat trick with a can of chipotle peppers. Set up a sieve over a bowl like so.
With the back of a spoon, mash some peppers and their sauce through the sieve. The contents of the bowl will then be a nice smooth chipotle purée suitable for your velvety potatoes.
Add that, or most of it, to the bowl. That was maybe 5-10 chipotles I just did. You can do this last if you wanna experiment and see how much chipotle you like in there.
Now check this out. Good cooks don't waste anything, so you see this mass of seeds and skins we had left over in the sieve? You're gonna put that in a ziplock and freeze it.
You can use that mass of pulp, believe it or not, to make great chipotle burgers. Just mix it into some ground beef when you make your patties. They are actually not as hot as you would expect.
This technique with the mashing of the peppers will come in handy later this summer when you have chile peppers from your garden. Roast 'em, then fix 'em this same way. No peeling, no seeding.
Add some more salt...
Then a LOT of fresh ground pepper, and I mean really a lot. If you don't wanna grind all that, use white pepper instead, but not as much.
Okay, these guys are fork-tender now, so they're done.
Drain 'em in a colander...
...then dump 'em into your giant bowl right on top of everything else.
These potatoes have been bad. They must be punished with mashing. People have strong opinions about how to make mashed potatoes light and fluffy. Personally, I don't care as long as they taste good.
Mash them FIRST, then add a nice amount of cream and maybe a little more butter if you're worried about it. Stir well, and use more cream if you have to until they are good and smooth, not dry.
The color tells you how spicy they will be. If they are reddish, you're in trouble. If they are just a light pink, it'll be nothing but a pleasant tingle on the tongue. You want a light orangey shade.
See how good that looks? I like mine pretty hot, so aim for a lighter color than this. A bowl of these makes the best late-night snack you can think of, and they reheat well. Enjoy!