Start with 3 eggs. Grade AA Large. Or Grade Medium. Or organic brown. Or whatever. Just 3 eggs.
Salt makes tasty things taste better. Use a good pinch of kosher salt and some fresh ground pepper. Yes fresh ground. Don't even getting started on pre-ground.
Whisk 'em together! Do it!
Grab two good sizes pieces of sourdough bread. Yes it has to be sourdough. No other bread compares.
Pop that crap in the toaster. Toast 'em up real good.
This is the crucial step. COLD PAN. No heat. Put your eggs in a non-stick pan on no heat.
Now bring on the heat! But careful! Just a low medium, or medium low. On the lower end of medium. The key here is keep the heat low and cook 'em slow. Low and slow.
Grab a bamboo or plastic spoon and get scrambling. Remember this: ABS (Always Be Scrambling). We're gonna be scrambling for a while. You're literally going to be scrambling the whole time.
Your eggs will start to get frothy and bubbly. Keep scrambling. Remember: low and slow.
As you're scrambling, you're going to periodically take it off the heat. Not turn the heat off, move to a different burner that's off. And keep scrambling. Always.
Everyday I'm scramblin' (Even off the heat) You're going to take it on and off the heat prolly bout like 8-10 times. Don't ask questions. It's gonna be delicious.
Once your toast is toasted, butter it up. When your eggs are off the heat, take a second to do this.
Starting to get a little thicker... Keep that scrambling up.
See how it's getting thicker? Keep scrambling! You may want to grab some ice for your arm after.
And thicker... as it starts to stick to the pan and is difficult to keep up with, take it off the heat and keep scrambling. We don't want browned eggs, we want creamy and delicious eggs.
When you get to the point where you think, "in like 15 seconds, these eggs will be perfect!" That's when you're done. Pull it off the heat. It'll continue to cook, don't worry.
Spread your deliciously creamy eggs on your buttery toast.
Boom! There you have it. The best scrambled eggs of your life, or as I call them, "Eggs Brandon." I'm trying to make it a thing. It's totally gonna be a thing.