How to Care for Your Pet Rock

by Nate Emi

Are you tired of everyone talking about how great their cats and dogs are? well now you can impress your friends by taking this little guy home and showing them off.

Supplies

  • Rock?
  • Love.
  • Instructions

    Step 1

    He looks great in everything. You can dress him up, draw on him, turn him into your favorite superhero, celeb, or leave him as he is and just ROCK!

    Step 2

    The best part is that he doesn't require food, water, or attention. I know I got sick of my pets dying all the time. He's already potty trained and if he happens to get dirty you can just wipe him off

    Step 3

    No need for a leash because he will never leave your side. Doesn't bark, or meow, and doesn't shed so he's completely hypoallergenic and organic.

    Step 4

    Can be trained to do awesome tricks. "play dead" or "lay down". You can teach him to attack as well, does require the owner to participate a little. Comes in handy when you're in harms way.

    Step 5

    He can hold his breathe forever and dry off quickly. So he will be safe at the beach or pool. Please note they have trouble treading water and will require some retrieving if he is left to swim alone.

    Step 6

    ... He sinks like a rock...

    Step 7

    Now if you don't have a rock you'll need to pick one. Having one in mind is best.

    Step 8

    Determine whether it's convenient for your purpose. If its for a traveling companion pick a small one. If its for a friend a larger size is best.

    Step 9

    Once you have your rock, you'll have to determine whether it is a boy or girl... This is done by guessing. Good luck.

    Step 10

    Your rock will love music. Each rock has its own taste. Contrary to what some might think, mine doesn't enjoy rock, metal, punk rock, indi rock. Which is annoying driving with him. He enjoys classical

    Step 11

    Always protect your pet rock. Rocks can get sick too. They pick up moss, fungi, lichen, and other unwanted diseases.

    Step 12

    Originally the pet Rock was only available through a limited channel of distribution. Its no longer necessary to purchase high priced pure breds.

    Step 13

    There are several places you can find your new pet rock. I found my little guy at an organization for animal rescue (outside in the grass as I was leaving) adopting is definitely the way to go though.

    Step 14

    The advantage of adopting your pet rock is that it will already be sprayed or neutered, and will be vaccinated against rock pox.

    Step 15

    It's also good to check for signs abuse before deciding. Common indicators are chips or markings from crayons or permanent markers. Not to be confused with tattoos.

    Step 16

    If you are fortunate enough to find your pet rock a good mate you maybe able to successfully develop your own strain of rocks. Girlrocks have great maternal instincts which is great for little pebbles

    Step 17

    Pet rocks are not as popular as it was in the 70s but there is still a risk of rocknappers. You may want to consider imbedding a GPS chip or at least a collar and ID tag. Pictures to prove ownership

    Step 18

    As for safety for you and other, your pet should be up to date with shots. The biggest danger is someone might throw your pet. Especially if someone casts the first stone.

    Step 19

    With proper care your rock can be expected to live forever, and just like a parrot, a pet rock will often out live its owner. ENJOY!

    Step 20

    He doesn't like it....