How to Make Killer Pad Thai

Explore Guides

Or use your email address

Create an Account Forgot Password?

Liked

Start the Guide ›

A takeout classic, now easy and healthy for you and your cutie. By special request tonight for my Red!

by Jebe Khan

189 Likes

2.9k Views

Step 1 of 31

Good evening. Tonight we rock our fat asses off while we cook delicious nom-noms.

Step 2 of 31

By now you know how a night in my kitchen starts, peeps! Actually, a good Asian beer would be the best, like a Sinha or a Tiger or something. Do they still make Tiger? Go to the store and get a Tiger.

Step 3 of 31

These are the kinda noodles you need, the wide, flat ones. That's about 8 ounces right there.

Step 4 of 31

Soak 'em in cold water for a half hour while you do the rest of this!

Step 5 of 31

Check this out: ground dried shrimp. Find it at the Chinese store, but it might come in the form of whole shrimp. In that case, you gotta chop 'em at some point. It's very strong, so use 1/2 tbsp.

Step 6 of 31

Soak it in some boiling water for about fifteen minutes.

Step 7 of 31

One chicken tit is required. You can get by with half. Call it an A cup chicken tit? Chop into ribbons. I precooked it tonight, so don't get freaked out later when it magically appears on the board.

Step 8 of 31

Next, green onions. Go ahead and use the green tips off one whole bunch. They don't need to be small like I did it here, you can do 'em in one inch lengths or more. Longer is better (grin).

Step 9 of 31

What kinda veggies do you wanna use? We are getting millions of snow peas from our garden now, so I miked 'em in a Baggie for 45 seconds. Slice some cabbage into ribbons if you want, or broccoli.

Step 10 of 31

Honestly, the real way to make pad thai is to use bean sprouts. This is cool if you can get fresh ones, but you gotta make a separate trip to the store 'cuz they wilt within hours, it's ridiculous.

Step 11 of 31

Don't use canned sprouts, they are bullshit! If you can't get to the store for fresh ones, just sub in some other veggie, no worries.

Step 12 of 31

Put some cooking spray down in a nonstick pan, or a couple drops of oil, and put it over medium high. Honestly, once you learn medium high, you're halfway to being a good cook already.

Step 13 of 31

Then crack a couple eggs and beat 'em like you're a Domme!

Step 14 of 31

You're gonna make an omelet. Even a dope can do this part without pictures.

Step 15 of 31

Eggy goodness has been achieved on one side, so flip it like a foreclosed home...

Step 16 of 31

Then slice that sucker into long strips and set 'em aside for the stir frying.

Step 17 of 31

Let's make that sauce, dude. You need 1.5 tbsp fish sauce, about a half tbsp palm sugar, 1 tablespoon liquid tamarind, and 1 tbsp oyster sauce.

Step 18 of 31

Palm sugar is raw sugar made from palms. It has a crazy, dense flavor, so I made a note in my recipe book to reduce the amount. If you wanna make this dish over the top, double it (also the shrimp).

Step 19 of 31

On the other hand, if you can't get palm sugar at all, use brown sugar instead, but they oughta have palm sugar at the Chinese store.

Step 20 of 31

That palm sugar is rock hard, so you gotta simmer it with the liquids until it dissolves. Then tip in those shrimp you soaked and that's your pad Thai sauce. Easy peasy.

Step 21 of 31

Pad Thai is usually mild, but if you need heat you can drizzle some Sriracha into that sauce. This stuff is the Tabasco of the Orient. A bottle of the Rooster should be in your fridge at all times!

Step 22 of 31

Drain yer noodles after a half hour, chop a small onion, and you're done with prep! Look at that mise en place. I should get paid for this.

Step 23 of 31

Go ahead and set the table now. Pad Thai ain't spicy, so you don't need Kleenex, but the lime wedges are mandatory.

Step 24 of 31

Okay, so now you got onion, noodles, chicken, green onions, veggies, egg and sauce ready to rock. Have some peanuts ready too and put that stuff on the counter right next to where the wok is gonna be.

Step 25 of 31

Just like so. Everything right at your fingertips.

Step 26 of 31

Stir frying goes FAST! Put the wok on high and get that puppy to smoke if you can. Pour a little oil in it, swirl around, and then you're gonna do the ingredients!

Step 27 of 31

There's no time for pictures when you're stir frying! That wok is so hot you're gonna cook each thing like wham, bam, no time at all. Hit it and quit it, dude! Throw the stuff in there in this order:

Step 28 of 31

1. Onion. 2. Chicken. 3. Noodles. 4. Sauce. 5. Veggies. 6. Egg. 7. Peanuts. 8. Green onions.

Step 29 of 31

Toss it together and finish fast, 'cuz those noodles can easily overcook. You want 'em pretty firm, harder than the al dente you're probably used to with Anglo pasta.

Step 30 of 31

Turn it out into a serving dish and you get this. You just made two nice big servings, with leftovers. Your sweetie will appreciate that, because there's nothing like cold Thai for a midnight snack.

Step 31 of 31